Established MMXXVI
Degen University crest

Degen University

Per Aspera Ad Liquidation

Nobody applied here. Everybody graduated anyway. I taught a generation of people to hold through anything, mostly because I never covered when to let go.

Course Catalogue
Faculties & Departments
Dept. 01

School of Buying Tops

Advanced timing, taught exclusively in reverse. Every student aces the entrance exam at the exact worst moment.

Dept. 02

Faculty of Diamond Hands

A four year program with no exit. There is no dropout option. There has never been a dropout option.

Dept. 03

Institute of Conviction

We do not teach research. We teach believing louder than the people who did research.

Dept. 04

Chair of Cope Studies

Reframing any outcome as the plan all along. Tenured, respected, deeply underwater.

Dept. 05

School of Shovels

Field work only. Students are handed a shovel and told the bottom is close. It is a long degree.

Dept. 06

Department of Green Candles

Elective seminar. Meets rarely, celebrated wildly, forgotten by Monday.

Student Handbook
Campus Life
Orientation WeekYou already missed it, you are still welcome
Library Hours3am, alone, refreshing one chart
Dining PlanInstant noodles, funded by conviction
Alumni NetworkExtensive. Reachable. Rarely bragging
Graduation RateEveryone. Eventually. Somehow